Maybe
by x all over you
Summary: But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you. Stelena. Oneshot/twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: There are two things you should know about me and that is: music and writing are literally my life. One just doesn't go without the other, at least not to me. So this little number is a songfic. I'm weird and I have my own little playlist for Stelena when I need to get my feels out on paper and what not. And this song just speaks to me when it comes to my favorite ship. I originally wanted it to be a oneshot, but there will have a second part to it. I haven't given up on Don't You Wanna Stay, I promise. This just came to me and I had to get it out before it consumed every single one of my thoughts. As always I do not own anyone or anything. Even though.. Paul Wesley.. Come to mama.. Just kidding, kind of. And the song credit for this story is Maybe by Kelly Clarkson. If you haven't heard it you should definitely check it out. Enjoy and please review! (:

_Saint Stefan_. Those words had been thrown around on numerous occasions. He was no where near perfect, far from it actually but people liked to paint him as this hero; the good brother, the one who didn't have a broken moral compass. But the truth was.. Stefan made mistakes. He has made more than enough, and he's sure the number will only keep rising. Self-righteous and compassionate.. he had even heard those words a couple of times.

_**i`m strong. but i break. i`m stubborn, and i make plenty of mistakes. **_

He tried his hardest to be understanding and sympathetic to others and their feelings. He really did. And for the most part he was. But understanding this one thing was just.. impossible. How could she so easily fall out of love with him and at the same time fall in love with his brother? Stefan wasn't a conceited man but he knew their connection and knew that she was the one for him. So why didn't she see it? Why wasn't he enough for her anymore?

He wasn't blind. He knew that there was a part of Elena's heart that had slowly became reserved for Damon. But now.. his brother held her entire heart? Being around for more than a century, he had seen a lot of things and had a lot of time to adapt to new things in his life. But this would not be one of them. This was just something he could not seem to wrap his head around. He was pretty sure he would never be able to.

She was _his_ Elena. Plain and simple.

And if that made him sound possessive, well be it. He was tired of being the good one. The honorable one. The fucks he could give had all ran out the night he found out about his brother and his ex. It didn't take a scientist to figure out that after all this had went down that he was changing. He was cold, hard and a little lost.

But that was probably what would happen to anyone if they had just spent their entire Summer at the bottom of a lake, locked up in a safe, drowning over and over again.

_**yeah i`m hard and life with me is never easy.. to figure out, to love. **_

He's definitely not the same and everyone has noticed. And he is pretty sure he will scream if someone else asks how he is doing. He's not ok. Nights are the worst. He closes his eyes to rest and he's back in the safe, and it's like coming home had just been another hallucination. No one cared enough to find him. No one even misses him. The hallucinations and dreams came so often that they started to intertwine. He had dreamed so many times of Elena coming to rescue him, wrapping her arms around him and telling him that everything was going to be ok. He had so many of those dreams that even now he was afraid to close his eyes, because he was positive the second he would.. it would have all just been a hallucination and his worst nightmare would be happening again.

But then he would wake up, and gasp for air like his lungs were about to burst like so many times before. To say he was not ok, would be an understatement. He was so far from ok, it wasn't funny. His head wasn't right, and his heart.. his heart was pretty much shattered. Beyond repair. But he managed to put on a fake smile and everyone believed him.

_**i`m jaded but oh so lovely. all you have to do is hold me. **_

Everyone besides Caroline that is. She sees right through him, and it pisses him off and amuses him all at the same time. He's almost positive that without her, he would be a complete mess. The real smiles he does manage are always courtesy of her. But that doesn't mean he doesn't find himself wishing that a certain brunette would take more notice of him. He wishes more than anything to be a part of her world again.

And it's not that she doesn't want him to be. She tries, he sees that. But it just so awkward that after awhile he starts to realize it being nothing but a lost cause.

_**and you`ll know and you`ll see just how sweet it can be. if you`ll trust me, love me, let me. **_

So life goes on, and so does he. Or at least he tries. It's hard, but he catches glimpses of his brother and the love of his life together and seeing the smile on her face is enough to allow himself to let go. The love in her eyes is familiar but knowing it's not for him anymore is also enough reason to step aside. His brother deserves happiness. He reminds himself of that every minute of every single day. But it doesn't keep his mind from wandering. That maybe. Maybe one day. She'll look at him like that again with love in her heart and happiness in her eyes.

_Maybe_ is just like _if_ though. They are such strong words.

Words only a dreamer can learn to hold onto.

_**maybe, maybe. **_

He goes back to college. Why he's not even sure, since he's done it countless times before. Caroline has a lot to do with, she's pretty persistent when she wants to be. And no one tells Caroline Forbes no. Not anyone that that values their life that is. The words 'a fresh new start' sound pretty good to him as well. That is at least what he tells himself but if he's being honest, he is here because of her. Everything is because of her. Sometimes he feels like it's beyond his control, like no matter how hard he tries to fight it. He's drawn to her and he's pretty sure that's not ever going to change.

They lock eyes one night at a frat party being thrown by one of Care's new admirers, and he's ninety-nine percent positive that they have both had way too much to drink. Because he has caught her in the last half hour staring at him five times. Five times. Yes he counted. He knows he has had too much to drink because he's not keeping his distance from her like the sober/sane version of himself would. Avoiding her like the plague has been working wonders for him so far and he's screwing everything up just to sneak a few glances at her.

It's not entirely his fault though. She had to know that when putting on those cute little shorts, some creep would be checking her out every chance he got. He really did always love those legs. Long, beautiful and tanned legs.. especially when they were wrapped around..

"You are such a creeper," Caroline sighs disapprovingly, and he's snapped out of his thoughts and brought back to reality.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he lies, sipping casually at his beer.

"Look I know we're waiting until Elena decides to come back to the real world and what not and see what everyone else sees that you two are.. epic and all that. But could you in the meantime like.. stop brooding so much," she frowns concerned for her best friend before adding quickly, "You're kind of ruining my party?"

"Your party?"

"Yes. My party. Everyone here loves me," she explains with a huff and Stefan can't help but grin.

"That is true. How could anyone not love you?"

When he finishes talking to Caroline he decides he's had enough of the party and takes a walk around the campus. It's a nice night out and even a better night to clear his head. With everything going on in his life right now, he needs all the 'clearing his head' time he can get.

One of a few perks of being a vampire is the heightened of senses and it does come in handy from time to time. But he's so engrossed in his own thoughts that she catches him off guard.

"Elena.." He says her name softly and slowly out of habit.

The last thing he needs is another hallucination involving her. They have really been doing a number on him lately.

She's sitting alone on a park bench, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. He wonders why she's there and what she's thinking about. But then he's chuckling at the irony of the situation. He has been avoiding her for so long when really it's out of his control. They're two people at the same place at the same time. They're like two magnets being drawn together. Two souls destined to be together.

_**someday, when we`re at the same place. when we`re on the same road. **_

He sits beside her and reaches for her hand. It's probably not the wisest move all considering, but it seems so natural to him. He's lost, she seems lost. He just wants things to go back to normal or at least half way back to normal. Just holding her hand again makes his world shift back into focus again. Even just for a second. She smiles at him and they talk for the next hour or so.

Or so. Who knows. Neither of them was keeping track of time. It was the first time in awhile that he felt almost normal and he didn't want it to end.

_**when it`s ok to hold my hand, without feeling lost. **_

He walks her back to her room and the second her hand reaches for her door, he reaches out for her. He swiftly turns her back around and before he even realizes what he's doing he grabs her face and crashes his lips down onto hers.

It's wrong. She's with his brother. It's something Damon would have pulled, not him. But he's not the same person anymore. He knows it and there's no reason to fight it. Especially when it comes to something like this.

You hear the phrase _so wrong, but it feels so right_. It's not until that exact moment that he truly understands what that means.

_**without all the excuses. when it`s just because you love me, you let me, you need me. **_

She doesn't pull away right away. He even feels her returning the kiss for a fleeting second, but he guesses that reality sets in and that's when she finally decides to pull away. When he looks down into her eyes he sees the confusion there. He doesn't need her to say anything because he honestly just needed her to know how he felt. He doesn't say the three words but when he wraps her up in his arms and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, he knows she knows.

No words are needed between them sometimes, because simply being in existence next to one another is enough for them.

_**then maybe, maybe. all you have to do is hold me. **_

She doesn't speak to him for a week after the kiss. He knows she's pissed. But he honestly doesn't care. Because if she's pissed at him that means it effected her more than she would have liked to admitted. And that to him is progress.

_**and you`ll know and you`ll see just how sweet it can be. if you`ll trust me, love me, let me.**_

He knows it's crazy but he can't help but think of one word. Maybe. It's a strong word. A word only a dreamer can hold onto. Stefan has always been a dreamer.

_**maybe, maybe. **_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Ok, so I lied. There will be three parts to this story. I originally planned to make it a one-shot, but the more I write.. the more I write. I just can't stop sometimes. So the one-shot turned two-shot will now be a three-shot. Sorry for the delay, real life gets in the way sometimes. It's lame like that. Remember reviews and follows are love so leave me some love or follow me. Well here's the second part, so enjoy! ;'D

When he was young, Stefan could remember counting down the days til his next birthday. Always counting down the days until his next birthday. He wanted so badly to grow up, that he ended up losing a lot of his childhood being too mature for his age. Damon teased him about it. Saying that he was wishing his life away, that he would be in for a big disappointment. That more birthdays, meant more responsibilities. Who knew Damon would actually be right about something. But he always wanted to be older. So he could know stuff. Grown ups seemed to always have it all figured out. They had the answers to everything. The younger version of himself wanted to be the one dishing out answers not the one asking the questions.

Ironically enough he never really did completely grow up. Seventeen wasn't exactly the best age to be turned into a vampire. He was horny, hungry, angry and broody all the time. Inside he was an old soul, on the outside.. on the outside that was a different story. A hundred and something years later he still did not have it all figured out. He probably never would.

It's still so damn aggravating not having the answers to life's questions. Like _when did she stop loving me_? _Was it something I said_.. _was it something I did_. And more importantly _why him_? Why him of all people that she could have fallen in love with.

He could accept her loving someone else. But not him. Anyone else but _him_.

She's better than the both of us.

So when he sees them together. The teenager in him wants to rip the heart out from his brother's chest and feed it to the dogs. Literally. He's had dreams out it. Dreams that have him waking up in the morning with a smile on his face.

No. He's not bitter at all. Not one bit.

_**i`m confusing as hell. i`m north and south. and i`ll probably never have it all figured out. **_

Stefan never really believed in such things as fate and destiny. Not until he met Elena that was. The first day the met was the day he had saved her from drowning. That was fate and destiny all rolled into one.

He had spent so much time hating Katherine for what she had done to him and his brother. But there came a time that he began to wonder if Katherine was all part of the plan. His fate. Their destiny. Without Katherine turning him into a vampire, he would have never met Elena.

The term soul mates is pretty strong. Only something a dreamer would believe in.

Stefan has always been a dreamer. He just wishes she was too. Maybe she is. Maybe she is just like everybody else that forgets what they were dreaming about the moment they woke up. Maybe one day she will be able to remember. Maybe.

_**but what i know is i wasn't meant to walk this world without you. **_

He tries being her friend. He tries so hard. Because he loves her. He knows that he's a big part of her life too. She needs him just as much as he needs her. He's not blind to it. And neither is his brother. Damon is not thrilled about it, but he has no say in the matter so he just sits back and watches his baby brother and his girlfriend get close again. The words _too_ _close for comfort_ are written all over his face.

Stefan would be lying if he didn't say he wasn't loving it. It was about damn time Damon felt a little bit of the insecurities he had always been riding him all these years about. But like always his brother is two steps ahead of him.

Damon and Elena gather everyone on night at the boarding house and announce that they're leaving Mystic Falls. She wants to see the world and her loving and supporting boyfriend has plans to do just that. He can't help but see the sadness in her eyes as she hugs him goodbye but there's happiness there as well and excitement. So he is excited for her as well.

Elena deserves the world. It's just a hard pill to swallow, considering he always assumed he would be the one to give it to her.

"Now don't you go and forget about me," she whispers jokingly with a laugh, even though her eyes are filled with tears.

He couldn't even if he tried.

_**and i promise i`ll try. yeah i`m gonna try to give you every little part of me. **_

He doesn't stay in Mystic Falls all that long after they leave. There really is no reason for him to stay anymore. His friends are living it up in college, and the love of his life is wandering the world now with his brother. Plus he knows that waiting for her to come home to him is useless. She's having the time of her life and probably only remembers him when she gets updates from Caroline about what's going on with friends and family.

He also knows Caroline is probably not subtle about it either. The blonde has always been on Team Stefan.

Her words, not his.

So he goes on with his life and tries not to dwell too much on his past. But that doesn't stop him frin thinking of her from time to time. He wonders if she got to see all the places she wanted to see. Meet all the people she wanted to meet. He really does hope she gets all that. And more.

_**every single detail you missed with your eyes. then maybe.. maybe, yeah maybe.**_

It's been ten years since he's last seen her. Ten years, three months and eighteen days. But who's counting right? It is a long time for anyone, but for a vampire the time seems to slip through your fingers. Before you know it a year has turned into five. And five has turned into ten.

It's been ten years, but Stefan always makes a point of coming back home for one night out of the whole year. He spends Christmas alone (much to Caroline's dismay) at the lakehouse. It's kind of a creepy thing to do. To spend the holiday holed up in your ex's vacation home. But Stefan has never really been the conventional type person anyway.

This year is no different. He brings a tree from the lot a mile up the road, takes it back to the lakehouse, decorates it and puts in It's A Wonderful Life. He always seems to enjoy it, but then again he always enjoys everything that night with the amount of scotch he ends up consuming.

"I thought I might find you here.."

A ten year tradition of a booze filled night consisting of stringing lights, watching a movie and brooding.. a ten year tradition broken by one little voice.

_**one day.. we`ll meet again and you`ll need me. you`ll see me completely. **_

She takes his breath away. She's so damn beautiful it hurts. He's already half lit, so he pinches himself to make sure his mind isn't playing tricks on him. It's one thing to have to deal with dreaming of her every single night but he was hoping to at least get one night off. One night to not wallow in his own self pity and most importantly not deal with the harsh reality of losing her. But Stefan can't seem to catch a break. Not even one.

He pinches himself _once_, _twice_.. _three_ times. And she's still there.

"Yes. It is really me, Stefan," she laughs.

She laughs. And it's the most beautiful thing he's heard in.. well ten years.

"I can see that."

Silence falls between them and he wonders if that is it. Years and years of not seeing one another and that's all they have to say? It's ridiculous. It's absurd. But then again nothing really did ever make sense when it came to them.

"How did you-" he doesn't even finish his sentence because he doesn't need to.

"I heard that you disappeared every Christmas and wouldn't let anyone know where you went off to.."

That still didn't answer his question.

"I know you, Stefan. I know how your mind works. How your heart works as well."

He simply nods his head, not really knowing what else to say or do. What could he say? I'm sorry I broke into your home every Christmas for the past several years. I just missed you so damn much, that I needed something or someplace that would make me feel close to you again. Yeah. No.

So instead he opts for, "This place.. it holds a lot of memories."

"That it does," she muses with a warm smile.

_**every little bit. oh yeah maybe you`ll love me, you`ll love me then. **_

The start talking over a mug of hot chocolate. It's refreshing to know that she still enjoys the simplier (human) things in life. He finds out that she made a point of putting her two feet in every possible place she could. He heard about Paris. He heard about Australia. Africa, London, Japan, China and even Italy. He couldn't help but get a little jealous as he listened to her speak. Damon got years with her. Years of showing her the world. Of giving her the world. And what did he get? A couple years infested with non-stop supernatural drama and non-supernatural drama also known as his brother.

"What are you doing here, Elena?"

It was a simple question. But it was a simple question that had a million other questions behind it.

"Figured a change of venue was in store?" she laughed but added, "I missed you, Stefan. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because things are never just that simple, Elena," he replied, "Where's Damon?"

"Damon is fine. Don't worry about him."

After giving her a questioning look she added, "He's fine. He will be fine. He just needs some time to himself."

"Time to himself? Elena you're not making a whole lot of sense right now."

"Dammit, Stefan! He made me choose ok? He made me choose and I chose you."

All of the air in his lungs seemed to escape all at once. It was something he never thought he would hear her say. She chose him? Now he was a hundred percent certain he was infact dreaming. Because this was just unbelieveable.

"He told me he needed me to let you go completely. And I couldn't, Stefan. I can't," she shook her head, tears starting to flow down her cheek as she spoke. She reached for his hand and continued, "When I told him that I couldn't or that I wouldn't he broke things off. He said he wouldn't spend another century sharing another girl with his brother. That he wouldn't do it again."

He was speechless now. There really was no words but, "E-Elena.."

_**i don`t want to be tough. and i don`t want to be proud. **_

"Damon knew for awhile I think. And I tried hiding from it the longest I could. But that dull ache in my chest just kept growing with every knew place I saw with Damon. All these memories I was creating with him, when I really wanted to be making them with you. It just.. took me awhile to realize it."

"Ten years really? It had to take you ten years to come to that realization?"

It was the moment he had been dreaming about for so long and yet all he could see was red.

"I know you're hurting. I know I've caused you so much pain and heartache. I hate myself for what I did to you, Stefan. But I haven't been myself. You have to try and understand that."

"Becoming a vampire did change you. But things didn't start changing then, they started changing long before that," he couldn't look at her, "You fell out of love with me and in love with him. That's when they changed."

"That's not true," she whispered frowning before adding, "I never fell out of love with you. I just lost my way for awhile."

_**i don`t need to be fixed and i certainly don`t need to be found. **_

Her last words kept repeating in his head. Over and over again. So many times he had lost his way. He knew what it was like to lose his way and be in denial about it the entire time. Being proud and stubborn was not always the greatest combination in the world.

"I lost my way, Stefan," she gently held his face in her hands her eyes locked on his, "But I came back for you. I came back for us."

She brought her lips down onto his, kissing him long and hard. He knew it was cliche and overly-written about in fairytales but he swore when their lips touched he felt this jolt throughout his entire body. It was like his universe had snapped back into focus. He was home again.

_**i`m not lost. i need to be loved. i just need to be loved. **_


End file.
